Thread:Vorknkx/@comment-3547390-20170901233307/@comment-3547390-20170927221555

Only in 1D games like Star Wars Droids. Didn't you pay attention? That was the plotline!

It is funny to think that many kids watch Return of the Jedi. Jabba's palace is quite sexual in content. I mean, Oola died because she avoided Jabba's sexual advances and we got Slave Leia with the implications that he may have done whatever to her. Thinking of the fact that Ewoks were supposed to be marketed to kids and the entire event was supposed to sell more toys, that is definitely a confusing thing. Sexuality in Star Wars is always an odd thing and they love to do it with Twi-lek dancers and erotic holotapes. Hard to think it just being the warped mind of the EU authors when George Lucas was doing it. Of course it was happening even earlier when Chewbacca's grandfather started watching porn at the Life Day celebration (Star Wars Holiday Special teaches you this valuable lesson, let your family watch porn on the holidays). All of this of course leads to the important question, how canon is Star Wars porn and why can I imagine some nerds in a basement arguing for it being as official as the OT?

My father liked Star Wars, at least the OT, but he worked and so I didn't get as acquainted with his tastes as much as I could. I remember seeing some of his CDs. He had Rebel Assault, Half Life, and Duke 3D. He never really introduced me to any, so I just saw the disks, while my mother learned on her own how to use the computer. Due to not having money, she quickly grew acquainted with downloading things. The only reason I got physical games was due to there being a period of several years where my mother lost her ability to download games, Limewire wasn't good for that, and so getting titles became a lot less a of a common occurrence. So most things I got exposed to I did due to my mother or later, myself. My mother would often download things just to try them, meaning you ended up with a good supply of stuff, and I got exposed to Star Wars around Attack of the Clones. By now, I think you just summed up why I have my feelings for A New Hope. It just has been seen so many times, trying to show my cats or whatever, that I know the movie almost note for note. Before that? It was always listening to Duel of the Fates and loving the lightsaber battles.

It is funny. While we were poor, my parents did manage to get a lot of toys every christmas and birthday. I would also get christmas/birthday money, but that would usually be taken back to pay for bills. I was at a loss with it because I also feared spending it due to knowing it would be a long time before I got physical money again. I didn't really get an allowance, but I could ask for a toy and hopefully get it, meaning I ended up being paranoid about when the next source of money would come in. I remember always wanting an AT-AT, but those cost up to $100. I didn't get many Star Wars vehicles. But I had a lot of toys, including a lot of Star Wars figures from various collections stretching from Power of the Force II to the 30th anniversary collection. The problem was that I also had cats that loved to steal the tiny weapons, it was always a pain trying to match the weapon with the correct toy. I remember Tessek's gun missing for several years before I found it on the floor one random day. I tried to get characters from the movies, the EU characters I would avoid. I had plenty from the Attack of the Clones line. In fact, the manner in which I did it means that I had an odd assortment, meaning I was missing several of the main characters in favor of bit characters. I had a Stormtrooper from Power of the Force 2, you can tell by the limited mobility in the knees compared to later series. I also had the Wampa/Rancor with Luke sets. I also had the ASP-7 Droid and Jabba the Hutt from the special edition of A New Hope featuring all the funny little changes everyone loves. I had a Ponda Baba, a Rancor Keeper, and an Emperor's Royal Guard. I even had ewoks such as Logray and Wicket, meaning that while I couldn't exactly recreate the rescue from the Death Star I could have a pack of ewoks beat up on a Stormtrooper! Plus I had a Snowtrooper with a E-web blaster. You know, for some reason I got more Power of the Force than I did anything from the Episode 1 line, that one was always rather uncommon to see except during its original release. I remember liking the packaging, then never seeing it again. My Darth Vader was a bit newer, probably the Original Trilogy collection, as he had a soft cape and a mask that could be removed (it used to fall off a lot). I also had the Spirit of Obi Wan, who could stand there and... I am not sure. I did have a Bespin Leia and Lobot, the most useless main character. My Han Solo was from the 2006 collection, he just got out of the carbonite. I also had Mawmaw Nadon for some reason. My Chewbacca had C-3P0 in pieces from Bespin. All of these are very important to breeding insanity.

BF2 was a game I wanted a lot and I played a lot initially, but at some point I started respecting the balance of the original Battlefront more. Battlefront II gave perks for doing so good, resulting in more powerful units or the reward to become a Jedi/Sith. It just didn't feel the same as being a trooper fighting off against other troopers. Battlefront 2 was good for play, but Battlefront 1 I spent admittedly more time on and remember more vividly. I did like the inclusion of the Tantive IV in Battlefront II, that is one map I remember enjoying.

Trust me, if you knew Thief, you would think I was mad for playing it the way I did.

This is what you get for masturbating, a giant hurricane. At least if you are honest and become a heretic you just get tornadoes.

Yeah, the old EU can be quite... odd... at times. I like to describe it by saying that in the 80s, most major franchises were picked up by comic series where they decided to throw together whatever they wanted even if it didn't really fit in the lore. Terminator, Aliens, all of the big movies were doing it. Most died pretty quickly to be forgotten by those that aren't me, but even I admit they are pretty bad. I feel a change happened in the 90s or just before it, the Star Wars Roleplaying Game (all the stuff I am reading now) really helped with that. Suddenly the canon had importance, suddenly everything was being tied to each other, suddenly throwing random green cannibalistic bunnies in your stories just don't fit the Star Wars spirit and they are trying harder to emulate the movies. The main thing missing was actual plots that were enjoyable to read as opposed to game sourcebooks, that came with the upsurge of novels in the 90s like the Thrawn trilogy. Speaking of which, I should be getting very close to that, though I am unsure how close I am.

Marvel Star Wars definitely was the highlight and most relevant part of the 80s, not counting the Star Wars Droids/Ewoks, which are pretty much useless entirely. It has a lot of low parts and some issues are useless one-offs. Regardless, many are important to read to understanding the entire story. You need to deal with the drab Aduba-3 storyline to fully get the much better Valance storyline. I will say the middle of the run was the best and that the ending issues trailed out to be entirely disappointing. One of the most important characters of the entire run, Luminaya, I feel was highly underused and anti-climatic in her appearance. The final plotline stopped focusing on the main characters to instead focus on the galaxy being invaded by Manga dark eleves (no exaggeration, that is what they were...) that were fighting literal space pirates with a floating pirate ship that appeared for an issue. It also spent several issues building up the war between the Manga dark elves and the pirates, only to have it somehow jump to the end of the war in the last issue while having terrible artwork. Needless to say, it will take some pages to even understand who is who or what is going on, nothing will explain why Luke is suddenly a shirtless Conan. Did I mention during all this that you got a comedic band of praying mantises trying to invade the galaxy as well and pretty much interrupt the story to play up some laughs? So we got three factions, one of which is a joke and the other is rarely used, and the main villain is barely in the story. Add to the fact that we don't really have the main characters involved much, we see more heroics out of the homosexual pink men that exist solely for Princess Leia to hate them (you think I am making this up... think again) then the main characters. Oh yeah, there is also a Rodian that fakes his death. Why is not really explained, beyond the fact that it causes his lover severe torture. At some point they just entirely disappear from the story, though they will focus on the love story quite a bit up to that point. There, I just explained the last 20 issues or so of Marvel Star Wars. Yes, it is that bad that it can be summarized in such a way without even having the main cast involved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFIsoq63lwo - This guy was featured heavily in the second Ewoks movie, the better one actually. The first was that atrocious, it was a BBC documentary on Ewoks.