Thread:Deathstalker666/@comment-1496755-20180827202615/@comment-3547390-20190809204637

Definitely intriguing to know. Maybe when I check it out again things will work better, or maybe one of the improved versions will be more to my tastes.

Heh, I don't think I went back far enough to give my full history. Growing up my mother mostly listened to country and my father listened to classic rock. I remember writing the lyrics to Werewolves of London, one of the rare songs I could tolerate my father listening to. My mother would listen more to stuff like George Strait, which I would get more into. Note I mostly was around my mother growing up, so it makes sense I went more towards her tastes back then. My mother would always have some stereo around the house to crank her music while she cleaned, she was a big fan of cranking her music. Portable CD players? I actually owned a cassette player growing up, pretty odd for the time period now that I think about it. I remember the AM radio feature sucking, so mostly I had Stuff like Dr Demento playing during the rare times I bothered touching it. Generally though, I just would listen to what was around me with no real connection to it, it was just music but not something I could say I truly loved. I guess a lot was a combination of no real knowledge of what existed out there, finding the stuff I listened to tolerable at least, and just no real means to download or try new music. My mother was the one who would download things at the time, using first WinMX and then Limewire. Main difference between the two was that Limewire sucked for getting games, which resulted in me not really progressing past 2004-2005. But music? My mother would download things constantly, though wouldn't trust me since I might get a virus or something.

Funnily enough, I remember my mother praising Def Leppard and also mentioning how she listened to more heavy music in the 80s. She just didn't listen to any of that when I was around. My father definitely has tastes more similar to your mother, he absolutely HATES Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd. Don't recognize Cinderalla in any way, he is more into stuff like Van Halen, Queen, and AC/DC. I always couldn't stand the voice of the latter, funnily enough Cinderalla reminds me of that. And I thought AC/DC had uniquely annoying vocals.

Heh, I didn't even have friends or socialize to the point I could find out what others listened to. People hated me as a general rule, so I never really knew anyone's tastes in elementary outside of it probably being rap, the one genre my family really hates. Television was no hope by the time I was around, there was no MTV or any of that for me to turn to. I was in a pretty closed bubble and couldn't really communicate with others, they often made it a point to separate me. I grew up in an era of Smash Mouth being possibly the only thing I could refer to as recent.

Of course, my mother quickly changed around 2009. She drastically jumped to more poppy music at an exponential rate. She started listening to things like that Kelly Clarkson song I posted, Avril Lavigne, and Pink. I still was following along on the bandwagon at that point, but got separated from my mother when she started getting more extreme. She started getting into stuff like Drop it low girl, Black Eyed Peas, and Hollaback Girl. What all of that taught me was how to survive torture in a house where that stuff would crank all day; I just couldn't follow my mother's trend and thus where the disconnect started happening.

2009-2010 was my great change. As stated, a big factor was my mother becoming more radical in her music. My father would listen more to his AC/DC and Van Halen than the more tolerable songs, so everyone had absolutely miserable songs. Combine that with me getting my own laptop after managing to break some stuff on my mother's computer, this led to more freedoms which in turn led to me being able to download music. I moved away from Limewire, finding it all low quality, and went to torrents. I remember trying out Star Wars Battlefront on the PC, my mother took time to adapt since she was terrified by it all. Youtube was getting bigger, so we were seeing more music released there, meaning no longer was it a challenge to find new songs and I didn't need to rely on commercial means. This also was the era of Doom 3 and my father playing a lot with me, which in turn led to me finding out about Last Man Standing. I found deathmatch to be relatively uninteresting, the endless respawn felt very repetitive and the levels were the same old things. Needless to say, I leaned towards Doom 3's mod Last Man Standing, which was absolutely amazing. Wave combat to make it good to try to survive even if others weren't around, metal music blazing during the gameplay, it was what I was missing in the base game. And the theme song was one of the best parts of it, so melodic and involved, unlike anything else I had heard. I found out about it being Neuropshere and found out about it being melodic death metal, the rest was history, I decided I needed to hunt out more metal music like this.

My first band was Metallica for the obvious reason of it having metal in its name, thus a quick search for metal brought me a band with it in its name. My Apocalypse was likely my introduction to them and showed me I indeed liked the direction I was going in. This was also a great time for 300 battle videos on Youtube, everyone was uploading metal songs to 300, so it was pretty easy to find 300 music videos with some band I never heard about until I saw it. Dope was one of those bands I ran into, I likely wouldn't have found them if not for Die MF Die on a 300 video. Then I found The Devils Own which got me into FFDP, even if I felt the song itself was flawed. This was also when I ran across a little band known as Disturbed with Down with the Sickness.

I started getting annoyed with Doom 3 around this time and started going backwards in history to the first 3d FPS of them all. That's right, Unreal. No idea how I got that impression, but I felt Quake was 2d like Doom was, and I was quick to realize that stuff frustrated me. Eventually I realized my mistake and backtracked even more to fix it. I did the original game and its two expansions, then I went on to checking out custom content. This led me quickly to a guy known by Aardappel, who I began playing the custom levels on his page. The problem was that it started getting repetitive to just shoot the same enemies over and over, so I needed some music behind me, and Quake didn't come with music. Luckily I ran across a GameFaqs with recommendations of music you should listen to with each level of Quake. My introduction to Rammstein was through Eifersucht. Slipknot? My OCD made me mostly avoid them, but I did manage to listen to Psychosocial. I just never really had much of a reason to search them out, they weren't that amazing even back then. I also was listening a lot to Nu Metal as you notice, mainly as that was what people would say was "metal" and throw with 300 videos because "hardcore and tough".

I truthfully confuse Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit. Both begin with the letter L, both are Nu Metal, and both sound really rappy to me. Never liked either. My mother was rather uncaring what I listened to by this point, she did her own thing mostly and didn't focus on me, but my father was pretty upset about me listening to metal. He felt it was the music of aggression, of turning into a shooter, and would argue with my mother about listening to it. I got lucky that, since I lived with my mother, she often didn't enforce anything. I remember my father hating Dope in particular, feeling they were nothing but screaming. Quite funny when nowadays he lets me crank it in the car on the ride home, plus has taken me to a Rammstein and Metallica concert, and even has gotten into a couple songs by both bands as they remind him of me.

I think 2011 was when I started expanding and looking for more metal music outside of what you would see in 300 videos. I realized there were different genres and that Nu Metal wasn't even considered real metal, leading to a curiosity to find what real metal was like. I mostly hated much of the Nu Metal I heard, such as Mudvayne, so I tried going full metal. I would just go song to song on youtube, I found so much shit. I realized quickly that I couldn't stand power metal vocals and also loathed black metal. Where was the stuff like Last Man Standing? I started following songs that were inspired by Doom songs, so much shit I couldn't stand. I wanted more melody, more of that involved style I heard in Last Man Standing complete with growls and all. Eventually I bumped into Dethklok, which was a cartoon band that was better than all the shitty real bands. I also ran into one-hit wonders like My Heritage and Feeding the Emptiness. I also realized Neurosphere was a one hit wonder. Depressing, the best stuff was stuff by bands that would otherwise be complete shit, and the best that could be consistent was stuff that wasn't as melodic as I wanted. Metallica was great, especially Death Magnetic era, but most just was very traditionally structured and I knew it. Oh, and Dimmu Borgir was always one of those bands I just couldn't enjoy, I feel extremely bored with the song shown, no surprise knowing my feelings on the band. Cannibal Corpse, Amon Amarth, Marduk, so much shit out there...

This difficulty to find things made multiple things happen. One, I started slowing down with finding new music. Secondly, I got more depressive about finding that area of music I actually was really passionate about. Sure, I like Metallica, but that isn't exactly a genre, just an outlier in a garbage genre known as thrash metal. Most new albums were just continuations of bands I knew I liked. Oh, I would still try and succeed at times. This is how I ran into things like Bloodbath, which suggested I should listen to Opeth, except that band bored me every time I tried to sit and listen. But bands were getting better, they would release albums with more life in them. Plus I was finding stuff closer to what I was passionate for, especially with things like Dark the Suns, which apparently came from this genre called gothic metal. I tried going a bit further and ran into other stuff, but this stuff was so... dead, lifeless, it was basic chords with barely any life to it. Plus it was like going back to the pop music I was getting fed up with. I realized gothic metal is a shitty genre as well, melodic death was shit, and there wasn't really anything I could say I liked. Obviously the Wikia was also starting to get bigger, but mostly I realized that everyone's recommendations were pretty off what I was looking for.

I have heard of people liking Avenged Sevenfold and Bullet for my Valentine, can't stand either. 2012-2013 was a bumpy area for me as that is when I was finishing up school, then had my mother trying to convince me to move down with her to Arkansas, saying that my father was keeping me prisoner. She was pretty notorious for moving from guy to guy without ever finding Mr Right, she would talk to me about each guy being the one. One guy she dated was a metalhead who liked Illdisposed, which she recommended and I ended up enjoying some of even if they completely fell apart and got generic rather quickly. I finally endured a bunch of Megadeth, finally finding one song in 2004 that wasn't too bad while also not being one of my choice favorites, still something I listen to however. Same with Nine Inch Nails, just a band I would find one rare song, but otherwise hate. Overall though? It was just shitty endless music.

I loved Saint Anger a lot in high school, so that in turn convinced me that the problem was that I was looking for music that other people liked, when the truth was that I preferred that which others found shit. So I looked for bands people said were complete garbage and ran across Hellyeah. This was what I was listening to when I went down to Arkansas, which limited me in getting music because of the horrible internet connection. The first song was decent, but then they broke into a bunch of alcoholic songs that were oddly country inspired and extremely annoying. Mostly in Arkansas I backtracked and listened a lot to what I already knew, this was the time when I started being more accepting of Metallica songs, meaning I got a lot more off Load/Reload than my earlier listens such as Fixxer and The Memory Remains.

Returning home in 2014 after a summer, I realized my mother was extremely miserable to be around. Things were depressive, I nearly died a couple times, and things were overall just miserable. Trying to go online and play games, I would run into communities that would accuse me of masturbating to them or would give long letters explaining that they couldn't stand my presence anymore. Hellyeah started getting MUCH better with ballads that I would listen to on an almost daily basis. People would hurt my OCD, then betray me and leave me. Life was just endless torment and mockery, rushing for others and destroying myself, only to be ruined in turn even more because others don't care. I got more and more disjointed from others as I realized just how common this was.

2015 saw me going towards German as said. I realized I enjoyed Rammstein a bit and never really gave Neue Deutsche Harte a chance, so I decided to see what else existed in the genre, since metal sure wasn't doing it for me. Why Hellyeah wasn't even real metal, proving once again that metal was shit. My 20th birthday was spent with me listening to Eisbrecher, which I highly stretched out listening to due to fear of running out of enjoyable stuff again. It took months to go through each album around that time.

2016 I mostly finished with that, but found out that the singer came from another band called Megaherz. Trying it out, I found it Possibly even better. In fact, it was good to get away from the boring generic music Eisbrecher was moving towards. Hitting their 2002 album, I found it getting more boring however, and then the singer left to found Eisbrecher. A new singer showed up, the band entirely changed their style, and so I naturally was listening to stuff like Gottlich, which just blew away most of what I had been listening to out of the water. So passionate in vocals, so melodic. This is what I wanted more of, a depressive dark style with my favorite colors of black and red, ambience and emotion in one.

Of course, finding Megaherz's 5 pretty much ruined me for Neue Deutsche Harte. Every band was trying to do the Eisbrecher/early Megaherz thing, not 5. Even Megaherz quickly changed back to the style they were doing prior to 5, which I found a major decrease. Combine this with discomfort in listening to a bunch of German only music, I realized even Neue Deutsche Harte wasn't really what I wanted. I wanted 5 and was mocked by only having it exist for one album.

By 2017 I had run into some people that were heavily into a band known as Epica. My OCD was in full force by this point, so I couldn't just listen to Epica, no I had to build up to it with a band known as After Forever since the lead singer and songwriter went over there. I absolutely loved it, the passion and intensity, finally metal music that was what I was looking for. And it wasn't as repetitive as Neue Deutsche Harte to boot. Sadly, their second album fell apart, it was filled with annoying vocals and horrible writing styles. The Epica fan heard both albums and told me that Prison of Desire was what was continued, that the first Epica album is a direct continuation, which you can even see online. I did find After Forever brought back life for Invisible Circles, then totally fell apart as they went too poppy and lost the operatic style.

After Forever's female singer was Floor Jansen, who went on to join Nightwish, which in turn led me to listening to Nightwish. Their first album wasn't their best, but they suddenly gained a lot of life during Oceanborn. I was depressed to see Wishmaster was dumbed down. Then I got really annoyed with the introduction of power metal singer Marco, I can't stand power metal vocals. Nemo was good, but the rest was not, and the band was dead for all intents and purposes. I checked out Tarja as well, since I absolutely hated newer Nightwish, and found that it had the rare decent song. Still nothing like the days of Nightwish sadly.

I then continued to listen to symphonic metal bands and found a lot were pretty shitty. Within Temptation, Lacuna Coil, Theatre of Tragedy, Delain... the list could go on of bands I tried and hated. Leaves' Eyes was shitty, but was connected to a death metal band known as Atrocity that was also shit outside of one song I found decent but not amazing. I did find a link on Youtube when listening to Prison of Desire that linked me out to a little known band called Tristania. I found this far closer to what I wanted in my music, I absolutely loved World of Glass especially. Note the guy from Tristania's first two albums (aka right before World of Glass) went on to make Sirenia, which taught me they had a redemptive song I really liked even if they got completely shitty after their first album. Sadly, Tristania fell apart after World of Glass, they started going more black metal with Ashes, then adding weird choruses before becoming a totally different band.

It was around this time that I talked with you and connected over symphonic music. Sure, Therion wasn't the best, but they had good songs on occasion that I could get into. I also finally got convinced to stop putting off Epica and try it. My god was that a mistake, I realized that not only was Epica shitty, but they essentially raped Prison of Desire by trying to say it was a continuation in any sense of the word. The focus was on the vocals, not on the instruments, which were dragging and dull. I will admit they did have an alright song, but overall I just HATE the band for what they represent to After Forever and feel most of the music is rather atrocious. I did try MaYaN, the third project he made, and found while it was alright for the first album it completely fell apart into another power metal hellhole.

2018 led to me getting abandoned by the symphonic metal person. We would often listen to music together, they tried pretending they loved the Gathering. When they found out I hated it, they tried changing their stance to saying how much they hated it, and I realized they were just faking to appease me. One thing I cannot stand is someone being pretend, I don't mind if you like what I hate and hate what I like. Just be honest about it, pretending is a shallow and repulsive act in my eyes, since I can no longer trust you as a person. If I cannot know you for your music tastes, how can I say you can trust me enough to tell me the truth with anything? So I felt highly betrayed and hurt, which led to me becoming even more disdainful of others as I realized how much society insists on betraying each other.

Perhaps due to the betrayal happening on The Gathering's first album, one of the first things I went to after that was the band the vocalist went to after he left the Gathering, Wish. The Gathering got a lot more shitty, even if Always wasn't for me either. Wish was somewhat... better? It wasn't what I was looking for, and yet the ambience felt there even if it was too repetitive for me. I connected with being burned, with fire, and so began my metaphorical connections to being a burn victim. Burnmarks Never Fade was my discord name for a long time before I made it more German. You could say this era has changed me, I now cut myself more often or just beat myself up. I dream of an era where people will pat my head while also becoming all the more disconnected from humans. A new era has dawned, one more depressive than the last. Why was a betrayal such a major catalyst? I had been fighting my OCD with this individual, meaning when they left I was left with a disaster to clean up, leaving far more emotional scars than just the person themselves. I also have had DID for years and had a separate entity living inside my head, they became one with me after this event since they felt I understood them. This led to greater feelings of isolation, since I didn't even have a person in my head to converse with, something I almost always had since I was a child.

During this time I started moving towards Oblivion. I remember having a lot of my symphonic songs played on repeat as I played the game. I started getting more obscure, using the Metallum to find random bands, since I realized a lot of my issues was going for popular bands was resulting in hitting pop-esque music. So thus I ran into things like Nota Profana, MuTuM, and Tears of Martyr which were quickly added to the Oblivion playlist.

After that period (later 2018) I continued trying symphonic metal, but found it getting harder and harder to find good music. I got Le Grand Guignol during this period, as well as Ignea. The latter is what I imagine Epica could have sounded like if they were good, still with the arabic tones, but with much greater quality and actual riffs. Overall though I found way too many generic symphonic pop bands I wasn't too happy with. I got fed up with it all, I didn't want to listen to endless pop. If the music would be shitty, I rather something more metal inspired, if just because it had more composition and less annoying vocals.

It was around this time that I started expanding to a few different similar genres such as dark metal, which led to Herlathing, a band that existed for an album before disappearing and doesn't have much in the way of Youtube videos. I also got into such things as Mean Messiah and Circus of Fools, the latter is absolutely amazing and got me into being a sad clown. Honk honk... I tried some industrial metal, but found most of it too generic like PAIN, though some combined with Rammstein in Lindermann weren't bad at all.

The reason I got involved with gothic metal is pretty simple; it usually is confused with and crosses with Symphonic Metal. Combine that with seeking a genre that isn't poppy, focused on emotion, and sounded more like Tristania's Ashes, which I was getting far more into. Burnmarks never fade, they just get stronger and darker, everytime. This in turn led to stuff like early Draconian, before they turned poppy and boring. This in turn led to the guitar player's other band, Doom:VS, one of the only Doom metal bands I like (at least the first album) and probably the closest I could connect with Dominus' stuff.

By August of last year I was getting more into compositional gothic stuff. So you started seeing me turn towards stuff like Lacrimas Profundere, though they mostly were a one-hit wonder that went generic. I started using Discogs to try to find Gothic metal around the early 2000s, so you see a lot of obscure gothic bands from this era. Bands nobody has really heard of like Ashes You Leave, Darkwell, and Black Countess. Most would have a couple songs, then would get terrible.

It was around this time that I got heavily into Lacrimosa. Finally, a band with a discography I can say I love for the most part, even if they are a bit weaker from 2006-2015. Their newest album is such a comeback. There was also Crematory, which mostly sucked outside a few choice songs, but hit hard when it was good. Then I ran across Hypocrisy through some gothic cover of one of their songs, which mostly was amazing around Virus while having a few choice songs around it like Sky Is Falling Down which is one of my choice songs indeed. Then I ran across Estatic Fear, a band with a weak first album, but with their second being an absolute artwork and much of what I was always looking for.

That in turn led to an indie band that made a tribute to Estatic Fear, Sombredance, which is much of what I was listening to at the start of 2019. Through a Lacrimosa based youtube channel, I found my way to Advent Sorrow, a band which has two great studio albums. I endured all of Cradle of Filth (due to a cover song Sombredance did of them), a pretty terrible band, before finding I actually liked a couple songs off their newest album such as Heartbreak and Seance. That was back in about April. Almost immediately after I finished Cradle of Filth I started getting into Vampiria, mostly as I needed a break from Sombredance stuff and just happened to bump across it.

Advent Sorrow is straight up black metal. Cradle of Filth is black metal mixed with gothic. Vampiria is apparently gothic black metal as well. Needless to say, I got convinced to let go of my bias about black metal being shit due to bands such as Borknagar. I decided I needed to try more DSBM based on my love for Advent Sorrow using some collection based CDs. This led me to Thy Light, which had a decent song or two, but nothing like Advent Sorrow. I then went into ColdWorld, which just was boring. Their most recent album was a merge with another band however, Farsot. Experimental avant-garde black metal, nothing to do with DSBM, which I started realizing wasn't for me due to the whole focus of the genre being on repetition and monotony. I could have continued with Shining, but lost energy after three albums of boredom, so I instead went to try Farsot. As stated before, I fell in love with the band, there has yet to be a song that I dislike by them, which is quite insane with how picky I am. I only got into them about a month ago.

Somehow, somewhere, a comparison was made between Farsot and Dornenreich. This resulted in me checking them out, and realizing they are nothing like each other. Yet both are great. Dornenreich is more flawed however since they went fully acoustic. Their heavier albums are great, but different from each other. I personally prefer Her von Welkan Nachten due to the pure passion, their earliest album was more standard black metal while Flammentreibe is just usually chorus-riff traditionalism. This was near August, so about 2 weeks ago.

I continued trying to find gothic black metal and got led to some band called Schwarzer Engel. My god, every song sounds like a PAIN song, it is so generic and shitty. But Metallum for related artists mentioned Samsas Traum. Checking them out, I saw their first album was a black metal opera, which is far more the style I wanted. So I jumped ship over to Samsas Traum and since then have been listening to them. I am currently just passing their third album. Their first was rather good, but I actually prefer Oh Luna Mein, which is absolute pure goth. Their third album can be described as getting darker, but also... more traditional. They had more industrial PAIN-like songs scattered among the album, which made me fear for the future of the band. On the other hand... the good songs are absolutely amazing, such as An Solaris, which is one of the rare ones I can find on Youtube that you could see as well. Tineoidea... my fears are quite well founded... it is abysmal. It is another opera, yet most of the songs are now industrial PAIN like songs, and what remains just doesn't have anything to draw you in. They sing a lot about hope being the last thing to die, well it is dying. They might come back, Lacrimosa (the band they remind me the most of) did bounce back after a terrible third album, but this is definitely a dark sign.

So the plan is to continue listening to Samsas Traum? And then? Not really sure, I got a bunch of terrible bands to go through still. I hope I can find some more great bands like the luck I have been having lately, but I imagine it will go down in frequency again.

I think I win in the lengthy text battle, you know me and writing a lot. It would surprise me if you actually tried all of this :P

Oh, and another avenue for stuff I am not tackling that could be tackled and probably should be expanded on, programs for Quake. A lot of programs were made to enhance Quake on top of everything else; launchers and loaders especially, plus you got QuakeSpy and a bunch of Multiplayer client connection software. Plus, you could spend so much more time documenting out all the different level editors and their features, I have done a little but, but there is just so much more that could be torn apart if I really cared to endure all these DOS-based editors.