Thread:Deathstalker666/@comment-1496755-20180827202615/@comment-3547390-20191113000035

Nods, that is precisely it, people tend to be harsh instead of trying to emphasize. At best you get people who treat you as an inferior, a pity case. You are very right, there is little to really have an advantage with this stuff. Part of the reason is is a mental issue is because it causes issues, it makes life that much harder. This is why people who say "I have OCD" because they PREFER something a little neat is missing the whole picture. OCD and any disorder gets into your ability to live life, it is an inconvenience that will get in your way and be a general hassle. It is the same with "depression" because they just experienced a breakup, they don't understand that real depression is when it prevents you from general enjoyment, when anything you try to build up will collapse in your face.

Schizophrenia is indeed hearing voices. I cannot say I am entirely without such things actually, there has been certain experiences. It is relatively minor, more likely a self-delusion.

You are very right, for some reason half of the ideas for Quake 5 didn't even involve Quake. No, I am talking about Integra Martin the Hell Hedgehog. Some ideas were definitely different, but the hell hedgehog. That one was the most memorable just for being the most... out there. This shows he even continued with a fan site that seems to have died.

Precisely. I would try to edit and be productive, but I was definitely doing things in a bit of an unhealthy way, and definitely had that going through my head. "He is about to get the 13,000th lucky edit, so I need to make 5 shorter edits to jump there!" and such things. This is why when I got the ability to get control, I killed all of that. I kept the "award banners" that Toxic gave me mostly out of nostalgia, but I didn't believe in giving them out or even focusing on that number. Your devotion won't be shown through edit count or any of that nonsense, it will be shown through contributions. And I think this place is the better for it all.

Nods, you are very right there, you definitely got the role of being the screenshotter when you had the content. I try to do the best I can, but I always wonder if I could have done a better job, and find myself questioning what exactly the best way to do it would be. My rules are that I try to get the most noticeable structure in the level, or try to go for something which defines the level (even if it is just the general look). I try to capture as many entities as I can, whilst trying to do it at an angle that makes them normal facing (this means I often wait until a weapon is on its side or the powerup is facing the screen if ideal). I try to not capture too much ceiling or floor, but do try to include them to give you a better idea of the scale and look of the room. For example, OFFICE1 I did with the intent to capture the entire look of the building in the middle of the room. I tried to capture the Quad Damage and Red Armor, thus showcasing two floors, while also getting the side ramp to show the Rocket Launcher. The angle allows you to see a symmetrical platform on the opposite side, while also seeing pretty clearly that the ground slopes before each platform.

Outside of Quake 1 I might get to... 10 years from now... if I even like the games. As each Quake game is very different, there is no guarantee I would even like said content. As for Minion, no, that is also somewhat toxic in its own way. "Please stay off my turf" is not really a good precedent to set here. He is doing nothing wrong and doesn't need to change what he is doing, it is mostly just a matter of accepting it as it is. It is more my own issue than anything to do with him.

Nods, I know you are more sensitive to being connected with others, being INFJ. You can try to equate it to something like you, but the problem is the perspective isn't you. And yes, something that minor to someone else is quite devastating to someone with mental illnesses, this is one thing that most people cannot grasp. They see your issue as being trivial, because in effect it is, and yet it is a brick wall someone with a mental disorder will smash their head against. I remember those streams well as well. And yes, "come on, pull yourself together" is something you hear a lot. My father means well, but is very clueless with mental disorders, meaning he ends up being a traumatizing mine field a lot more than he helps. His solution to me not having happiness is to suggest "play more modern games" and then trying to look up modern games that I could touch, not realizing suggesting things triggers me as does having any knowledge about such things. And he of course thinks it is easy, that "just touch what makes you happy" can be possible for everyone, when he doesn't realize what sounds good on paper would cause so much mental anguish for me. Video games aren't a serious thing, yet these mental issues can affect me in such ways that it becomes as serious as a death in the family. I can see it being silly, I know it is nonsensical to be bothered by such things, and yet I just cannot handle it.

Nods, I can understand how such an issue causes a lot of fear. You don't want to lose what you have and sensing that things are faltering, you get all the more paranoid about it. Reminds me somewhat of when I would clean my ears only to have my ear go deaf for a bit of time, I would get intensely paranoid that it would never come back. In fact, this happens with a cold too, I usually end up thinking that it just will kill me in my sleep. But yes, disorders are a thing that make living a lot harder, in a way it is a lot like missing a leg and being expected to run. Because it isn't visible, you want to say it doesn't exist, and because your mind should be able to control these issues you just argue that it is a lack of self control and you need to power through things. Who says I can't touch what I want? Me, it should be a simple matter to just touch something else. And that part could be, but it wouldn't prevent the severe levels of suicidal thoughts and the feeling that my entire world was shattered beyond the ability to be repaired. It wouldn't stop the panic attacks. That is the problem; no matter how much it looks like it is simple to just put some self-control into, the real issue is more that it can trigger you so harshly to be unable to cope. But you should be able to power through, you argue... and so the spiral becomes even worse as you fight a disorder you feel you aren't even justified to have. You don't want to be a quitter, you don't want to be a special snowflake with hurt feelings, and yet it is utterly traumatizing.

My OCD definitely has periods of slipping, it also has been improving for sure. Being able to justify being able to touch Quake and be freer there was a liberating thing for sure, even if there is always the risk of slipping back to wanting to do Doom if not even worse. And yes, even when healthier it is quite there. I can play Quake, but there is a reason I couldn't just jump to say Half-Life. Or even 1997 Quake mods. There is a reason I still had to touch Contra when doing a mod related to it; I was lucky I was able just to do a short amount before saying I am not a fan of that genre of game and move on. There is a reason why on days I don't touch Quake, I am pretty much regulated to touching a limited palette of stuff that meets certain criteria to avoid upsetting my OCD. One reason Total Conversions will likely make things a bit rougher, I imagine then I will get a lot more needing to cover franchises, which means doing X-Wing if I like it or not.

Gossip is something I almost expect others to do; people are bound to talk about others, even if it comes up in natural conversation. Say someone was to talk about someone else to me, I wouldn't stop them, but I also won't change my tune compared to how I feel about them in person. A white lie on the other hand I feel is more malicious, it is directed at me, and thus feels more like an attack on me. Lies tell me you couldn't expect me to handle the truth. Lies also tell me you couldn't respect me enough to give the truth. I see no positivity in any lie whatsoever, I see it as a agonizing thing, quite the opposite of harmless. Because one white lie means there can be a million more, which in turn destroys any validity for me. You say you are my friend, is that another white lie? How can I know what is true if one has already come out?

Well, I trimmed out the skin code, so for the time being things have a bit of expansion room. I look forward to you being available, Minion's test with me has given quite a few advancements to the server. Only thing really changed since when he touched it is the reskinned opponents and the Hell Scrag being made more rare.

Who knows what the future might bring, though I really question meeting someone online. Just quite the challenge, especially with my family situation and having to explain to my father how I know this person. Sometimes I wonder if I am expected to not have online friends. But you are quite right, it is quite nice how the way things work here, it could be at any time that we are responding. This in turn makes it so we could be in the same area, even though we know we aren't.

Well, the big difference between your example and here is that this is a hobby. Being an admin is NOT a job, you don't get paid for it after all. So treating it at such a serious level that you "MUST" do X is quite distressing. We both work, we both have to meet expectations, here is a place where we can come and relax from all of that. Instead it feels like many management roles end up becoming secondary jobs for people, they take their title as a serious thing and expect everyone else to meet these certain roles. There is one thing to have standards, there is another when you are getting into time management. Nothing should ever be telling you that you have to be somewhere. I must admit to being uncomfortable with such a set of rules back then; in another universe I could have easily refused and walked away. Emerald (Toxic) definitely had a different mindset to doing things, in a way I am glad I managed to stick around and thus bring out my vision. As said, I don't think mods would have been considered much back then, I think it actually was turned down when I tried discussing it. That to me is quite insane; Quake in particular is a game that has its life mostly known through its mods. I think Quake's moddable nature and severe level of mods created are both notable things that mean it should be a primary focus of a Wikia dedicated to it. The main thing was just in ensuring things didn't overlap and cause complications with each other.

You are quite right, I can't imagine ever leaving this place, and I am quite glad to be here with you as well. I never was good at keeping in contact with people. I don't use social media after all; people I tried friending have moved on to the point where someone lasting a year is a sort of an amazing feat. Dominus rarely talks unless I talk to him, who knows where Seth goes, and they are the better people I know. It is quite something to say I have shared a friendship that has lasted close to a decade, just by paragraphs of text. I struggle in instant messaging to even say hello to people most of the time as I don't know what to say, yet here somehow I end up writing so much that it takes at least an hour.

So I made the Shrek and Ogre entities different, so now Shrek is a rare type of Ogre that will rarely spawn. After thinking about things for a bit and talking to Dominus, I got a bit more of an idea for what could be done that would feel appropriate. His attack? Hard to really describe until you see it, but I am quite satisfied with the results, and it definitely fits. Note that this is likely one of the last entities to get included, since I am pretty much pushing things to the limit as it is, and am starting to run out of expansion room. Still, it is nice to have the regular Ogre in there in some way, as well as our special Shrek.

We also got a spider opponent, currently it is making mostly Vore sounds. I would like to swap these out with proper spider sounds, but so far I have been unable to create the proper sound for a spider myself. Using my voice here seems off, no matter how high pitched and chorus-like I make it, it doesn't sound "spider" enough. Really all I have to work off here is Thief, which comes from 1998 and thus would feel less... 1996ish. So I am trying to think of some way to make good spider sounds. Do you happen to have experience with sound editing? Any idea about giant spider sounds that might make sense in 1996? Daggerfall is a thing for sure, but that only has one sound state, which isn't exactly the best answer here.

An idea I got for the spider is that a spider is likely a more stealthy opponent, it wouldn't rely a lot upon high pitched whines or other sounds (Minion suggested Xenomorph sounds, this just felt very off). This leads me to thinking the best route might actually be few sounds it is making itself. It makes a sound when it bites you, but otherwise is eerily quiet outside of a continual tapping sound as it walks around. I like it a lot better than some Vore sounds or other very obvious sounds. The main issue with having it totally quiet is that the death state felt a bit... lacking. So I decided to make it mostly quiet beyond the tapping, but upon death it makes the faint Daggerfall spider sound. Thoughts?

Funny, I swear I heard about such a villain in some old Marvel comics. He was part snake or something and could strangle them. Early Timely Comics can get pretty insane at times, even if it also manages to get highly repetitive. I am not sure I understand the appeal of comics admittedly; I end up saying "why should I care about some hero" and especially "he is bound to win or be resurrected, so what does it even matter?". There is a total lack of stakes and thus a total lack of point.

So, I got an .EXE file that can only run in 32 bit Windows. Trying to run it in Dosbox just tells me I need to run it in Windows, trying to run it in the Command Prompt just keeps telling me I am typing invalid commands. Trying to run it in PCEM results in an "internal bug" and it closes immediately. This one is a bit of an odd one; seems to be a bot except that it requires you to run a specially modified executable instead of being a normal mod. Or maybe "bot" just means launcher, some lines seem to refer to that while others refer to the bot being an opponent, so I would like to figure out what it is. Any ideas?