User blog:Deathstalker666/QuakeWikia (Circa 1996)

I feel rather confused by the current state of the Wikia, as reading some old text files found on various old CD compilations, it would seem we got a lot wrong. How we missed these important facts is beyond me, but I feel it in our best interest to put the records straight.

I wanted to get some useful information from Q2, but they didn't even have the decency to offer a Readme file. This is evidence that Q2 is the worst commercial add-on, because what purpose is there to buying $20-30 Add-ons if not to read a couple 1MB text files?

Luckily Dark Hour was here to fix the issue and teach me all about Quake. I learned quite a bit you couldn't find on any reputable websites. Being that I paid $30 for it, I am more likely to trust this Readme file from 1996.


 * The most strategic use of the Grenade Launcher, outside of shooting it at walls, is apparently that "It is also nice to throw into water."
 * "Live a happy life and do a random act of kindness today." is an extremely valid and helpful part of every Quake game.

Pretty useful facts among a handful of others. Dark Hour was a good purchase. Except then I heard about Aftershock, which is supposed to have even more text files and thus have a higher educational value! I couldn't really find a guide for the full game, but luckily got one for the shovelware, which is entirely relevant in 2018!


 * When facing off against humans, be sure to use the Shotgun. It is, after all, "My personal weapon of choice against humans." If you can't kill other humans in a Deathmatch server with a Shotgun, you obviously are doing something wrong. After all, using anything like the Nailgun is "Probably overkill against humans."
 * The Super Nailgun is pretty much like the Chaingun in Doom, down to the point where "Excellent supression weapon; it is very difficult for an opponent to get a shot off at you when being tagged with this; much like the Cacodaemons (sp?) in Doom/Doom II when hit with the chaingun.". Stun locks are an important strategy in Quake, you must not be hitting the enemy enough if they keep trying to kill you.
 * The Grenade Launcher is pretty much the best gun in the game. "My weapon of choice against Shamblers, demons and (of course) zombies." Remember people, Shamblers are big and should be hit with explosives! Also the fast moving things that will most likely be in melee range should also be hit with explosives.
 * The Rocket Launcher is the most worthless gun in the game. "Used this for a little while against Shamblers, but I found the Grenade Launcher to be a bit more versatile. I don't use this one much."
 * When fighting Ogres, "Get close enough so that it stops throwing the dangerous grenades, and pulls out the chainsaw." Interestingly enough, when I tried this, the Ogre just kept shooting me with grenades. Obviously I didn't move in fast enough.
 * The best strategy for the deadly Fiend is to "This may not help much, but once a demon jumps at you it stays in jumping position until it hits the ground, which means if you can get it to stay off the ground it can't attach anymore. get it to land on top of you, so that it is balanced on your head. After that you can just aim up and shoot til it's dead!". It is very important to remember people, their jumps do no damage.
 * "The Fiends are afraid of the water." If you are ever overwhelmed by Fiends, be sure just to run to the nearest Water source, where you will be entirely safe.
 * Since the strategy for the Ogre was to run directly at him, the Shambler is pretty similar! "Stay within quick running distance of the shambler. When he raises his arms to shoot the lightning bolt at you, charge him. When you get within arms length of him, HE WILL STOP PREPARING TO LAUNCH THE LIGHTNING AT YOU." ALL CAPS MAKES IT ALL THE MORE TRUE! SHAMBLERS DON'T HIT YOU ANYMORE WHEN YOU RUN AT THEM!
 * "find a position where can CANNOT shoot YOU!" When fighting an enemy, get to where can CANNOT shoot YOU!
 * Another important strategy suggested by Killer69! "Before almost every shambler there is a quad damage powerup. With this pull out that trusty DB-shotgun, it islike 3 shots... There are a few times (hard mode) that you cant get the powerup. Type ~ then GOD". I never realized God mode was a viable tactic in the game! I have been using such a strategy against every enemy since then, it has made the game much easier! Only the pros use God mode!
 * When fighting the Shambler, remember, "the main idea is to feint like crazy". Be sure to feint the Shambler, after all, "He can't move the bolt once it's launched". Now I am just trying to figure out how to feint my attacks, the game keeps insisting on me performing actual attacks...
 * "blue armor". Why people keep calling it Green Armor is beyond me, they must be color-blind.
 * When in E1M1: the Slipgate Complex and have grabbed the Biosuit. "If you are running low on air, you can swim up to the platform from the tunnel". Remember, it is easy to drown in Slime, even with a Biosuit.

I tried gaining some more facts from the Aftershock Toolbox. Mainly because you can never learn too much and now I am essentially a Quake master, knowing all about protecting myself from Fiends by hiding in Water and charging directly at Shamblers.


 * We don't know about things being supported at this time. "Same goes for the power glove." Quake may or may not run with an NES power glove. I advise testing it out, since everyone knows the power glove was an amazing piece of hardware.
 * "Beware, however, that lots of people have posted fake performance results." We tried creating a resource to measure if Quake will run, but knowing the good nature of people, they went and ruined it!
 * "With the menus and everything, you don't really need the console any more.". Binding impulse keys? Overrated!
 * "Share your favorite keyboard layouts with your friends by emailing or posting to Usenet" My keyboard layout is WASD. I bet it is totally unique and original for 2018! Now where is the nearest Usenet?
 * "A collection of raw RC files". Too lazy to bind keys? Just download some off Netscape! "but don't say I didn't warn you."
 * "You could bind the A key to bind the D key to do something different." At only the cost of two keys, you can bind something that could normally take one key!
 * "Give yourself a little bit of credit at the end" Modify a config file? Totally the same as making new content, be sure to credit yourself!
 * "switches to the rocket launcher, fires for as long as the key is held down, and then switches to the axe." Of course, you might question what practical logic there is to quickly switch to the Rocket Launcher before switching to another gun. There is no answer. Note this is the biggest and most important part of Quake. Macro keys are how to play the game, if you don't have 30-40 aliases to quickly shoot off one rocket, two rockets, and five rockets you aren't playing the game right.
 * "quickshotgun for when you need to shoot a door open". I find myself confronted with doors a lot too and find myself needing to shoot them open, but just happen to be too lazy to switch Weapons.
 * "I know there's a list there, but I've been having some trouble finding it as of late (?? help)." "They're on stomped somewhere as well. I'm not sure where though." "There are no tutorials or documents that I know of to teach you Quake-C." Want to make custom content? Good luck, you are on your own!
 * "Quake does not support Trumpet Winsock." Not Trumpet Winsock! How will we ever play multiplayer without it?
 * In order to play on TCP/IP, you must download some special software called quakeppp.zip. "you should be advised that this is pirated software". Remember people, you need to pirate software if you wish to play Quake over the internet. Anyone with a TCP/IP connection is a pirate.
 * "Pppquake is pirated software. Delete it." We didn't just suggest you pirate. We just suggested you illegally download some files, then delete them.
 * "WTF (why the fuck, for you newbies)" - I have been doing it wrong for years! I always thought it was what, but why makes total sense!

I hope you all have learned some stuff. Pirate the game, but don't play it and delete the files. Get a NES power glove and avoid Trumpet Winsock at all costs. Bind 50 macros to shoot the exact number of ammo you wish to switch to and fire before going back to the Axe. Give up on that and download some overly complex layout from some obscure site on the internet. Charge directly at everything, just never use the Rocket Launcher as that gun is totally worthless, instead rely mostly on the Shotgun and Grenade Launcher. Remember to use god mode if there isn't a Quad Damage nearby. But most importantly, remember to do random acts of charity, as that is what Quake is mostly about. No, we aren't implying you should upload a ripped Quake 1.06 to Usenet, don't be silly! But if you wanted to... well... we just will add a bunch of stuff saying not to use it while telling people where they can download it... just so they can avoid it!

I hope you enjoyed information that you originally had to pay $90 for. It is my act of charity. Now time to find some Quake config file, mine is broken and is missing some of those important alias commands. WTF would I do anything different when I can just go where can CANNOT shoot YOU!