User blog:Le Rottweiler/Attempt to explain secrets

Can we rationalise the secrets in levels like E1M1?


 * 1) O.K., so the first secret that you find is in a cache that moves when you hit it. Let me attempt to rationalise this: An architect installed this cache because he realised that the base would need a hiding place to hide important stuff like shotgun shells. All that he knows about soldiers is that they like shooting things. He applied some pressure plates to the cache so that they would move the door after being shot (or hit with an ax). The commander probably gives his employés a tour of the base when they first arrive. ‘And if you look at the corner of this technological shelf thing that nobody knows the purpose of, you will see an area that you can shoot that reveals a box of ammo, which we keep secret just in case an enemy is looking for ammunition.’ So basically, they need to hide ammo, but marines don’t know things like access codes, so they had to make it shootable, which is easier for them.
 * 2) Damn, I don’t know where to put this Megahealth. I can’t just leave it out in the open; the commander is gonna be pissed. Hmmmm, I know, I’ll hide it behind this secret wall that you can only open by force. If anybody asks what happened to this, I’ll just tell them that the company didn’t like us enough to vend it to us.
 * 3) If there’s one thing that nobody will shoot, it’s a computer. After all, computers are expensive and can be rendered completely inutile if subjected to intense force. That’s why it’s good that an architect constructed another secret area so that we could hide this weird artefact in it. I guess that the scientists didn’t want it. Wait, what if the enemies put it there? They were probably just stuck with this damn thing because everybody already got one, but they didn’t want any of their enemies to get it, so they hid it in this closet after a Grunt shot a computer in frustration.
 * 4) The architect was asked to include a place to hide a firearm. Knowing that marines only have enough brain power to shoot things, he installed a target above a pit (of slime). Let’s hope that the enemy never notices this or thinks about shooting this oddly placed target.
 * 5) We built a loft. I guess that we should put something in it. We’ll put a Megahealth here that can only be accessed by jumping on thin steps, with the risk of falling into slime. Somebody who needs it should be in good enough condition to get it.
 * 6) Somebody desired to construct a teleporter, but was not officially allowed to. He equipped a biosuit, and dragged the pieces individually to this area that the architect built below a slipgate. He also stole some health kits and yellow armour, and decided to hide them there to keep his arse out of the boiling water.

Wow, this is hard.