Thread:Deathstalker666/@comment-1496755-20180827202615/@comment-1496755-20191110214126

Incoherent ramblings that derail conversations, heh heh. Feeling detached is a familiar thing, though it used ot happen a lot more often in the past, not so much today. Maybe this is

why many of my older memories are weird and distorted when I try to recall specific details. I remember, eyars ago, someone was telling me how nice it is to remember the sunny days of

the past. I replied that, in my memories, days are usually dark and stormy...

The Spawn is one of those enemies that are challenging enough to put a player on edge as soon as one hears its alert sound. I remember reading about this effect in some article, and the example they used was an enemy from Hal-Life 2. And indeed, I'd instantly get nervous when as I hear its sound, just as the presence of a Spawn can make me nervous (or a Vampire Ancient!). It works every time.

On busier Wikis, admins have to watch for vandalism and rule violations... this is a quiet place, so we get this rarely. Therefore, we mostly watch for spelling errors and the like. Or excessive fan fiction (I still remember the old Quake 5 page - it was pretty crazy).

Oh, I understand you perfectly. In fact, I have probably felt in a similar way as well with regard to various things I have worked on, one way or another. It's like some peculiar form of jealousy - you've started something, worked on it from the very beginning, so you start feeling like it's your child. And when other people join up, it's like it's not just your child anymore, but "our" child. And it just isn't not the same, is it? I know I felt a job inside when something I had worked on gets changed by other teammates, though I usualyl tried to swallow this, as teamwork requires sacrifices. I suppose one of the reasons I enjoy doing fan fiction so much is because it is a solitary activity, so I never have to worry about my work being altered by others. People can give suggestions and sometimes I use them - it's a much better alternative to direct interference. So, all things considered, your reaction isn't that much strange. It is true that you'd probably work better solitary, but this doesn't mean you are bad at doing a community thing. Throughout my whole life, I've always felt talking to people as a burden, but this doesn't stop me from working with people throughout the typical workday. Keep in mind, that there is a price to pay for this - I feel pretty drained in the evening, but at least I know I succeeded despite all of my "inner demons." You definitely make a good admin because you are meticulous, a perfectionist. You don't tolerate flaws, even small ones. And this means whatever you work on is done really well, it's a good addition to our collective knowledge (even if no one seems ot be interested in it, but this has never stopped us before, right?). You are right these feelings are unreasonable, but this does not diminish their strength and impact. It's a constant internal battle. I suppose he lied to you due to a misguided urge to make you feel more comfortable. People are prone to do that, thinking it's all just "white lies." It is usually thought that telling someone that you know how they feel will make them feel better, but is that truly possible? If people could really feel like you do, you wouldn't be an outcast. Perhaps they can understand a small fraction of it, but never the full picture. I realize I will never fully understand your OCD completely, and that's okay. But what I have learned so far really helps...

Well, when you run out of space, you could try to split it up. At least that's the obvious solution. Select mods that complement each other in terms of theme, gameplay or some other criteria, then bundle them together. You can think of it as character in an RPG - every class is a sum of various qualities and skills combined in a way that creates a theme, and cannot acquire all possible qualities and skills, they are always limited by their definition as a class. So, what I would do in such a situation would be to think of themes. For example, one mod could focus on adding new/modified enemies, while another could focus on weird new effects and altered game rules (like the Stripper we played before). That's the only "genius" idea I have at the moment...

Hey, whatever happens, this Wiki is something special - not just because it's a project revolving around something we enjoy (and we both know there are games we love even more than Quake - e.g. Thief for you, and Doom for me), but rather because it is a sanctuary of sorts, a place where we can be perfectly open about anything and not wear masks. I've only felt this way about one other place in the past, and it is dead now (turned into a website selling yarn... various kinds and colors of yarn!). This is the only "safe harbor" I have. Discord and social networks just don't have the same effect, the same "magic." Running away in virtual worlds like WoW is also a weak solution. This is the place that really works. My various offlien friends come and go, their vows of never forgetting me just empty words, but here we don't forget the ones that once walked among us (like Raadec). And a large part of why this is such a special place is because you're here, even when you are gloomy about something.

Hey, we've dealt with dark situations before, and we always managed to push through. We will now as well. Weak and imperfect as we are, we at least have plenty of experience with fighting inner demons...