User blog:Vorknkx/The Amazing Adventures of Mr. Incognito

(based on a true story)


 * Tortuga
 * June 15, 1660

Mr. Incognito strolled down the street by the French governor's office, looking for a nice tavern. He had just defeated an evil captain by striking him repeatedly with a pixelated sword and was in a very good mood. He needed a drink, and he need it fast, because there was no guarantee the Dutch wouldn't go to war with English within the next 10 minutes.

He entered the tavern and looked around. There was a bunch of sailors in one corner, and the barmaid behind the counter. He approached her nd presented himself.

"They call me Incognito. MISTER Incognito. Vodka-Martini - shaken, not stirred." he said with a wink.

"Yeah, I've heard of you," the barmaid replied, "You are the man who punched the French baron. Nice job, by the way. He had it coming."

"Heh, yeah, cool stroy," Mr. Incognito blushed, "I really need that drink. But, you see, I am out of money right now... so perhaps you can give me one for free, and I promise I will punch a baron that annoys you some day."

"I have a better idea," the barmaid winked, "I am all out of potatoes and onions, so perhaps you can help me get some... do you know when the vegetable train arrives here in 1660?"

"But of course!" Mr. Incognito exclaimed, "The vegetable train arrives in late June... in the afternoon... at about 4 p.m."

"Impressive," the barmaid muttered, "You are indeed the hero people say you are.

Just then, one of the sailors in the ciorner approached Mr. Incognito.

"Hello, Incognito." he said.

"That's MISTER Incognito to you, sailor." Mr. Incognito replied harshly.

"Yeah, about that... you see, we're not really sailors, we're actually buccaneers. We are trying to help a guy get revenge on a corrupt judge who imprisoned him wrongfully. However, we need some extra hooks and wooden legs... we wouldn't be real pirates without 'em, right? So please - can you tell me when the hardware store train arrives in 1660?"

"Oh, that's easy," Mr. Incognito replied with a yawn, "Late June, exactly at noon."

"Thank you, Inc---, I mean Mr. Incognito. You are a good man," the buccaneer said with a crooked smile. "Oh, one more thing - before he can get his revenge, our imprisoned friend has to be broken out of jail. Do you know when the prison train arrives in Tortuga in 1660?"

"It's today, actually," Mr. Incognito winked, "In exactly 2 hours."

The buccaneer bowed and retreated silently. Mr, Incognito turned around and was just about to finally get his drink when a boy ran into the tavern and yelled:

"France has just declared war on England! The situation is dire - our only battleship is under the control of an evil captain with a pixelated sword, no one is brave enough to punch the enemy baron, and the worst thing is that we have no idea when the military train arrives in Tortuga in 1660!!!"

Mr. Incognito just sighed and pushed away his drink. R'n'R would have to wait for a while.

He tilted his hat and whispered "Sounds like a job for... MISTER INCOGNITO!"

THE END