Thread:Vorknkx/@comment-3547390-20170901233307/@comment-3547390-20171111195409

Heh, that is a rough level to do 100% completion on. Unless of course you are me and have done E2M6 from a shotgun start because you are insane :P

Get some macros going, that might help.

Speed doesn't really matter to me, though I find too slow and the song gets irritating like doom metal. Speed-wise can be better, though I get bored if there is no sense of order. One of the most important things is that the song makes some sort of sense and isn't just someone saying random words into a microphone. Aka thrash metal and black metal, plus power metal. It needs to have a good melody. The most important part are the vocals, since instrumentals tend to bore me, the vocals have to be good. If I find the vocals grating, I instantly hate the song, unless the song is so absolutely amazing to outweigh the vocals. Such annoying voices include your standard high-pitched rock n' roll style (I cannot stand any of those singers in the least, this also includes progressive and power metals), blues vocals (sounds like slightly deeper rock), pop singer vocals (either the autotune or just the high pitched nature gets on my nerves, if you notice I tend to handle deeper voices better and most music seems geared to higher pitched lovers, yet I ironically love soprano), female rockish vocals (late After Forever, Kelly Clarkson), tenor male voices (perhaps some are good, but the ones I have heard on After Forever and Nightwish are atrocious), high-pitched growls/aka black metal or the ones that burst into a lower pitched voice from time to time (kills a lot of death metal for me, love the deeper vocals if they exist, but any high pitched growls and I hate it), pig squeals (I can understand growling, I hate music I can't understand what they are saying), any type of metalcore vocals (really annoying shouting that quickly gets on my nerves, with those chugga guitars and their love for breakdowns), Barbra Streisand (Sirenia 2016, REALLY bad to the point I would rather listen to the pop singers they had before), possibly most Nu-Metal (Really it is a mystery how much I like. Things blatantly defined as it like Korn, SOAD, or Mudvayne just are too laughable to take seriously). Oh, and Trent Reznor, who was only really tolerable on The Downward Spiral in one or two songs and otherwise had a really painful use of vocals. Believe it or not, that kills off most music for me. I have yet to find 400 songs I like.

I shall check that out. Hopefully I still feel up to recording soon. I feel like I am coming down with a cold and the recording needs to be pushed off until tomorrow.

I am glad I did as well. The Doom 3 curse was miserable, it meant I could never see everything in a game, and combine that with the fact that I need to beat games to progress chronologically means I couldn't make any progress at all. Playing stuff out of order is highly bothersome, I nearly beat Thief 2 without even seeing Thief 1, and Morrowind even further enforced that the books had lore from past games. It is just the same as someone spoiling a game for me, except now it is the game spoiling it. That is the main reason I do this, the fear of spoilers, just in a different form.

That is a thing that is in mine as well. I try to leave games to do other games, but end up having to focus on the second game. But when I get to return to the first, I end up feeling like I "would be entirely disoriented and be playing worse when I need to play better, or I just have only bare memories of what I experienced in the past". This led to me repeating things I did with my OCD over and over, another reason I never really made big leaps in progress. Every step forward was just a step then, I would have to go back and do it all over later on. That has since reverted to being mostly for games I like. If I play Quake, you can imagine I am playing all of Q2 and Dark Hour before I do the next Aftershock level. But for Doom, I could just jump to the next PWAD because I don't really care. I think this is one big reason I spend so much time on games I dislike, why I am willing to record over 300 Doom levels and even suggest going back to it. Because I dislike Doom, in an ironic twist of fate, I am more free to "enjoy it" than a game I actually like. No need to care about influences, no need to replay what I disliked over and over, I just get to continue forward. This is why I torture myself with Doom levels when I could be playing Quake levels even when not worried about chronology, it just is an easier path to take. You can bet I will replay Thief from the beginning and record the levels a FOURTH time, something that has annoyed my viewers for that game a bit. The more I care about a game, the more I NEED to replay all that I have done.

Well, when I was born it was relatively easy. We had a male cat named Tigger that was a tabby cat we got around the same time I was born, plus a Siberian husky named Phantom. We used to walk around the city, we didn't have a car, and one return trip had a cat following us all the way home. My mother tried to figure out who owned it, but no takers came fourth, and so we ended up with a female cat named Spooky that was a halloween colored Siamese around 2000; she was crazy like most Siamese and would attack you if you called "mother". By 2001 she was pregnant and had a litter, we gave away most but kept one. He was a big, bulky cat named Coffee that was mostly white with some brown patches; he was an entirely lazy cat that loved to sleep on our CRT monitor due to the warmth and didn't like to move, so he became the one I spent the most time with. Those were essentially the original collection, we had Tigger and Coffee get fixed, but Tigger was too old for the operation and thus died. One day we had another cat follow us home and keep meowing at us. After days of it sitting outside and meowing, we took it in, a very small cat named Oreo that was black with some white. She was very frail, but highly friendly, except to other animals which she got vicious and would attack violently. The dog liked to attack the cats, but Oreo became the one to terrify the dog as she would go out of her way to attack him. After Oreo we found a pair of cats that were orphaned apparently, they were just kittens left behind, probably because the mother was dead. You can tell this is when cat collection started picking up, I can't remember the name of one of them. The tan one was a female cat named Honey. Nor can I remember the black and white cat's name that loved to hide behind our furniture because it was terrified of everything and everyone. After Phantom died due to cancer, we got another black and white cat named Magic from my cousins who were abusing it (we smuggled him out), he sleeps like a bear rug and chirps instead of meows; his unique nature made him stand out and so he became one of the best liked by my mother. Oreo died around here due to having a frail frame and thus dying early. There was another male tabby we got at some point. Both Honey and the other cat from that collection got pregnant, I know we kept at least one entirely black cat named Bear. I can't even remember how we get to 16 or if I am wrong on the number, the cats really started coming fast at the end.

Very true indeed, but I am not sure I explained much of my intent in the past. I got very good at rationalizing out reasons for doing the things I did, only regretting it later when it all came to a head. Plus it is a matter of trying to understand things myself, a lot of what I do is theorize because I find it extremely difficult to understand myself, meaning I often have epiphanies like I did above when rambling about these things.

Dominus Mortem got good at motivating me to focus more on pleasure, as did conversations with my father, but they never stick as I always find some route around. As stated above, there is a lot more pressure put into things I actually like, so something like Doom gives me more freedom and sometimes even a good amount of happiness that would be hard to get otherwise. Especially since I hate spoilers of any kind and it feels like games themselves love to spoil other things. That might be the key to all of this, a fear that something will not only be connected to something else but reference it in even an off-hand way. "The God who died at the end of another otherwise unrelated game is now a gravestone in this game" meaning when you end up finding that out you feel like you just got the entirety of that game spoiled as they essentially just told you the ending for a simple decoration. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad at the moment, I could play the entire game and not realize that was the God from the last game. I become a big fan of the game, know it inside and out. I check out some other title, a bit older but supposed to be really good, and find out the name of the God is the exact same. I already was spoiled for the game, so what is even the point of playing it? It was all destroyed, years ago, when I played that game innocently without knowing the weight it held.

This is why something like Doom and PWADs from 1994 work so well. If I do modern PWADs, I have to fear connections to modern games. "Great, now I was spoiled to the sound effects of Red Guide 2: Journey into the Urethra". If I do stuff from 1994, I find I hate things in 1994, and so it isn't as devastating of a blow. A big reason to do things year by year. This is why I can't just jump to some "greater year for Doom PWADs", then I might as well be playing a modern game and risking as much as I would there. Risking getting hundreds upon hundreds of games spoiled that I could have otherwise enjoyed.

Thus, I find myself reverting to playing horrible Doom PWADs from 1994. Not just because I hate Doom, but because it comes from a year when I find I hate things in general. My safety net comes from going directly towards things I dislike, playing the old more than the new, and thus you get what I have been doing for the last decade. A major epiphany, but I am not sure what to do with it, since my paranoia of spoilers knows no bounds. However, that is where my OCD comes from, or perhaps is the core element at the center of my OCD.

Another long read, though I advise looking through it. It does explain a lot.