Thread:Deathstalker666/@comment-1496755-20180827202615/@comment-3547390-20190415004824

That summarizes mental health illnesses in general and is also a pretty good reason why someone else who suffers from the illness cannot really say they relate to the first person. As well intended as it may be to put some depressed people in a room, the mentalities tend to conflict to the point that there is little purpose of conversation. Plus you are right, people don't really know what to do, so there tends to be a bit of a mess.

Physical activity is something I have heard a lot. "Just lift, bro". It doesn't work like that for me, at least from years of martial arts experience, generally I tend to feel it more of a thing to endure than something to be happy about. Nobody really knows what to do with me, even councilors seem stumped, so they pretty much resort to "you are trying to manipulate me by stating nonsense, stop bullshitting me and tell the truth". Taking walks could be a way to get away from my problems, but usually I find it more stressful to end up with soreness and bites from bugs. As for writing thoughts... I generally do something like that in the form of poetry. Not really sure it helps, since I rarely can think straight.

If I had to say why I am depressed, it would likely be due to the negative situation I am in. My life revolves around a home life where I rarely have the freedom to do what I want because of nonstop noise or needing to be quiet, meaning most of the time is spent trying to figure out things to do, which is a problem when most things I block off as I would like to give commentary eventually. Plus it doesn't help that I tend to think I would like to do something, only to do it and then find it is making me feel worse instead of helping. I make more progress at work, where I am able to at least read comics while trying to endure the constant barrage of noise around me. Note noise is sort of a problem when you have sensory processing disorder, making my living conditions almost a living nightmare. I have the materials, sure, but in a way my mental issues and the noise around me prevent me from getting any sort of normal enjoyment. To be happy, I would A. Need the freedom to escape noise, at least on a more frequent basis and B. Need to find something to enjoy that I don't end up finding a million faults with to the point I end up getting locked in a bind and unable to know what to even do.

I know my fears are unfounded. Playing Skyrim with fancy modern graphics has not killed my enjoyment at all for old-school titles, if anything I found more to rant about modern gaming. I know how disconnected the lore is and how I pretty much have the gist of each game from touching them at the very least, even if I barely made progress on any of the main plots (note I insisted on walking everywhere in Morrowind forward, so that explains a lot, plus I tend to be slow to explore each city and in Oblivion forward the games are so insane to make it hard to even get anywhere). I can say I explored most of the mainland in Morrowind outside of the eastern side, though I did travel massive expanses of wilderness I imagine most people didn't dare even travel and found a bunch of pointless dead ends. Rationally, there is zero harm to playing Skyrim at this point, and yet still I feel like I am cheating myself in some way. Then the Sims feels like I am cheating myself because I didn't do a bunch of Maxis Sim related games... even if SimAnt probably has literally nothing to do with a house building simulator. That is probably the worst part of OCD, you know how stupid it all is, and yet you still feel like absolute shit. I can spend hours rationalizing it all out, only to feel miserable enough to avoid even wanting to touch it, all because in order to continue with the Sims I needed to see every Youtube video and one happened to mention Indiana Jones which means I need to see every episode of Young Indiana Jones and the totally pointless Marvel Comics. It sounds batshit insane to even myself, yet it is a massive downward spiral, one that prevents me from having the motivation to do things.

I have found beneficial loopholes around the disaster, but they are loopholes I am not really happy with. Essentially, I need to find ways to make the game less serious. What I have found does that the best is to use nude mods or adult mods if possible (note this is how I even got the freedom to touch Skyrim at all, something I never could handle without such a thing). If you make the game porn, it cannot be a serious game in my head, and so I am ironically more free when playing some degenerate porn game than some normal title. It is a rather weird scenario, as I use it purely for entertainment like other people would use gore mods, and yet it means I end up knowing more about random indie adult games than games most people play. Naturally, this has led to a sort of addiction of some sort, since my mind equates this stuff with freedom and therefore happiness. So I end up almost a sex addict that at the same time isn't really getting the normal feelings from it, but more just finds it somehow one of the only true forms of entertainment out there I can be free with. So in a way, OCD has caused even more issues I am unhappy about in turn. Of course, at the same time I question how bad it really is, since I am literally treating it like a form of entertainment. It is a very confusing subject, one which is hard to come to grips with, since playing Quake for a few hours only to get demotivated due to a lack of explicit content is a bothersome issue (this has actually been a reason I tend to start and stop Minecraft a lot). This means, even if I had all the free time in the world, I am not sure how much I could devote to actually making progress as opposed to finding loopholes just because they mean I have less pressure.

Fair enough, I couldn't tell you how American proms are. I think I told you I skipped on it to go to a Rammstein concert, still don't regret it at all.

I imagine both of them probably help a bit to the lore. Morrowind is primarily an issue due to how predictable it is, while Oblivion's problem is pretty much a technical issue with stamina that the forums say "you shouldn't play the game in X way". Of course, the way I play it is so chaotic and my memory is so bad that I doubt I would even remember many of the facts from either. Actually, to summarize, I don't think I recall much of Skyrim even after touching it... Morrowind and Oblivion seemed more memorable in their own ways. I think if I had things my way, I would be playing Oblivion with more stability. Well, maybe one day Skyblivion will be completed and I can do it all that way. Note of course every time I touch it, I end up feeling like I cheated myself because I haven't played the other games fully in the series...and I can't fix that as I just don't have the freedom anymore.

Precisely, Arena was far more memorable, while Daggerfall was just a chaotic mess and bland repetitiveness. Actually, that Dark Brotherhood quest sounds not too bad at all. Definitely nicer than the mess I saw, I think one of the best was where I brought someone to a place and then the guards tried to kill me for no real reason. Or when I got arrested by a ghost.

It definitely is you, Doom is a game with some memorable maps, but then long stretches of forgettable stuff that tires me out.

Well, yes, they are definitely more involved than the Tomagochi. I think the problem might actually be the still limited nature, they can only do so many interactions, so it ends up feeling uninteresting. I am hoping further games can mod behavior, just to make it chaotic. There is a shooting mod for the Sims 1, but it is pretty bad, they pretty much need to walk directly up to the person to shoot them, making it feel horribly clunky. Some people base quality of sandbox games by the base game, I base it on how well it functions when I have modded it to hell and back.

Mainly I used walkthroughs (I remember quite a few sites for Thief 2 walkthroughs which would always confuse me due to it referring to the patched game) or just wouldn't get far (many games I never really completed as I played most games pretty legitimately, I think Thief might even have been more of a "lets see how other people did it" mindset), I don't think I used many blatant cheats. The Sims was definitely one you would spam cheats for, I remember the Sims 1 just being a massive hack environment where I made houses as unlike the original game as I could. Then I would shoot my mother's family as they came over and resurrect their corpses as zombies (not as exciting as it sounds, since zombies are just recolored sims with no other differences). So I am definitely familiar with what is possible, I just realize nowadays how exploitative all of it really was.

Look it up, it was pretty surprising to hear about. I don't trust Windows 10 at all, way too many unpredictable variables. When you are fighting your computer to not update and change things on you, there is a problem. Forget the fact that there is no way to kill telemetry, you don't even get freedom of stability. And each variant of Windows 10 is breaking support with software... making it all the more confusing (note this is one big reason to not go LTSD, they kill support for even graphic drivers with each new release, meaning you got even shorter lifespans than just sticking to older versions of Windows). Add that it is more demanding than any other version of Windows and I like to have lightweight installs to give as much as possible to my games... yeah, I just don't want to touch it. I have had to use it at work on a side computer, even that was a headache.