Thread:Deathstalker666/@comment-24111404-20150424213130/@comment-3547390-20150426215804

Thanks, I just let myself write some of my thoughts.

I feel you on the weakness. If you had strength, you wouldn't need to worry about trying to find a way to intimidate people. Your worst is nothing but a joke to others. The only friends I still have are online. My real life friends have all betrayed me in interesting ways.

I would be happy to receive a compliment. I am the opposite of shy, I tend to never shut up and do whatever I feel like. Even though I was a mockery, I had complete freedom, expressing my individuality with full enjoyment. I was recorded constantly, perhaps because I would start headbanging at various times, or because I would wilding move around my arms when walking. I just choose not to be around people, mainly because they get in the way and make noise.

That is good. Apathy is the best medicine, it allows you to gain peace while having your thoughts of animosity. Though I have strong reasons to loathe almost every kid in my school, I don't usually dwell on it unless I decide to talk about it like I currently am. In a way, it is the best thing you can do, as you are no longer brought down by others but instead find newfound solace in your freedom. See, if you had friends, you have to work to upkeep them. If you had friends, you have to deal with peer pressure. Without friends, you can do whatever you want and act however you want. You can grunt like a buffalo and charge at people, you can paint your face red and scream out windows, you can throw your shoes like they are grenades while hiding behind a desk. Whatever you feel like doing, no matter how insane, you can fully do due to there being no care in the world. So some of those things could get you suspended, it isn't like you wouldn't be suspended anyway. The biggest reason I had stress was not due to students, which are easy to ignore, but the teachers and principal also having it out for me. Even among the staff, I was unanimously loathed.

Now you are starting to understand. Don't try, trying is wasting energy that could be better conserved on doing your work and getting out of your miserable confines. Start acting on your impulses as I described above, you might be treated as more insane but at some point it should be hard to decrease people's expectations. As Raadec said, school is easy. What makes it easy is that you can do whatever you want with little to no repercussions. Go wild, live life, and who cares about those that get harmed in your path? You may be weak, but you have a strong inner spirit. Many people keep that portion of themselves confined, afraid to show who they really are.

Life is depressing, but death is even more so as it is the absence of any feeling. I would rather feel absolute pain in every portion of my body than not be able to feel anything at all. At least in the former you still have control over yourself, you aren't just an empty shell.